On Faith and Healing - Deep Thoughts for a Wednesday

I know,

I don't often write deep thoughts here,

but for the last few days,

I've had some pressing thoughts on my mind,

and today 

{while reading another blog}

I got some answers to my questions.

So,

If you don't want to hear deep thoughts,

you've been fairly warned - you can leave now...  :)

I was talking with my cousin this past Sunday,

and I have no idea why we ended up talking about it,

but we were discussing my Mother's death, when I was 7.

Something I have always struggled with somewhat

{although, I had made peace with it too}

is the question of faith and healing.

I've read her journals from when she was sick with cancer,

and so I know that she completely BELIEVED

with all of her heart,

that she would be healed.

She recieved several priesthood blessing

which promised her as much. 

As a daughter,

who misses her Mother,

it has {in the past} seemed 

SO UNFAIR

to me that God would take her away.

At the time when I happened upon her journals 

from that time in her life,

I had a bit of a crisis of faith,

as I questioned how she could have been promised

that she would live,

and yet she did not.

Eventually,

with the help of prayer,

and some deep discussions with others,

I made peace with those thoughts.

But I still sometimes do not have good answers

when it comes to questions about God's will. 

and last Sunday,

when talking with Carolyn about it,

I could not really articulate an answer

as to how or why it was "fair".

At any rate,

today I happened upon this talk,

and more specifically this quote from the talk:

"even the servants of the Lord,

 exercising His divine power in a circumstance 

where there is sufficient faith to be healed,

 cannot give a priesthood blessing that will cause a person to be healed 

if that healing is not the will of the Lord."

And while I could not articulate it on Sunday,

I think I can now.

Bringing our own will in line with the will of the Savior....

THAT is the real challenge of faith.

We often say, "not my will, but thine be done",

but really truly FEELING it...

That is a hard thing to do.